{"@context":"http://iiif.io/api/presentation/3/context.json","id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/iiif/4m91834s87/manifest","type":"Manifest","label":{"en":["121418"]},"logo":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","metadata":[{"label":{"en":["Project"]},"value":{"en":["Youth Citizenship Narrative Project"]}},{"label":{"en":["Theme"]},"value":{"en":["Coming-Out"]}},{"label":{"en":["Age"]},"value":{"en":["18-25"]}},{"label":{"en":["Race"]},"value":{"en":["White"]}},{"label":{"en":["Ethnicity"]},"value":{"en":["Latino"]}},{"label":{"en":["Gender"]},"value":{"en":["Female"]}},{"label":{"en":["Recording Type"]},"value":{"en":["Field Recording"]}}],"provider":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/aboutus","type":"Agent","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"homepage":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/","type":"Text","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"format":"text/html"}],"logo":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","type":"Image"}]}],"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858","type":"Canvas","label":{"en":["Media File 1 of 1 - open-uri20211202-21802-1sz5p7w.mpga"]},"duration":658.824,"width":640,"height":360,"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858/content/1","type":"AnnotationPage","items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858/content/1/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"painting","body":{"id":"https://aviary-p-culturalmediaarchive.s3.wasabisys.com/collection_resource_files/resource_files/000/130/858/original/open-uri20211202-21802-1sz5p7w.mpga?1638443330","type":"Audio","format":"audio/mpeg","duration":658.824,"width":640,"height":360},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858","metadata":[]}]}],"annotations":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858/transcript/44925","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["AUTO_TRINT_open-uri20211202-21802-1sz5p7w.mpga [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56663/file/130858/transcript/44925/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Would you please tell your story? Yes. Okay. So I decided to come out to my parents when I was about 17 or so. I'd been thinking about it for a long time, but I didn't really feel safe doing so because I wasn't really sure what my parents position on gay people were and how they would react to me coming out to them. And if it would become, you know, a safety issue basically for me and if I would have had to move out, I wouldn't have been able to at the time. So basically, I waited until it was safe that soon as possible time. But basically, I actually came out to my parents in my therapist at the Times office because I mentioned to her that I wanted to come out to them already. And she said that if she wanted someone else to be present like a witness, basically that she would do it. So I agreed to this and I brought actually, you know what know now that I remember, it was just my mom at the time that went with me. So I brought my mom and my therapist's office. And I remember sitting her down there and she had no idea what I was going to tell her. It's funny, though, because I was under the impression that she always knew or she had already known. For a while. I thought she had been dropping hints at me and things like that. I assumed that she at least had some sort of idea. But according to her, when I told her, like when I finally got it out, she was extremely surprised. Like she was almost in shock and she didn't react super negatively. I wasn't positive either. I think I'm pretty sure she cried, actually, but she explained to me that it was because she realized that my life was going to be really hard. And I basically I mean, not that it made her, like, feel any better, but I basically told her that it had already been hard, like it hadn't been anything else. So it's kind of like the only thing I knew, you know what I mean? And if anything, her knowing and not, you know, completely flipping out made it better at least. But um, yeah, and that was that. And then, you know, she said all the typical like straight people certainly to me afterwards, like well-meaning but like, you know, like which of your friends are gay, You're all of your friends gay like, or you'll get together like. But yeah, so I had a, you know, deal with all of her questions were just fine. And then as I remember, we got home and she basically asked me if I was going to tell my dad or she wanted me to tell her, tell him herself, like, you know, just do it for me. And I said, Honestly, Yeah. Like, I don't want my telling, like, I don't to deal with that. And I didn't care. Like, as terrible as it sounds, I didn't care enough about, like, his opinion or anything to really be like, Yeah, I'm going to come out to my dad. It's going to be like a thing, you know, Especially because I knew that he's like fairly like homophobic too, or, you know. So yeah, I just didn't want to deal with that emotional like, trauma, like, So yeah, I was just like, Fuck it. Yeah, he'll do it. And so he my mom told him. And then I remember we like sat outside in your backyard and just like, talked. And I told them, like how I felt. And I explained to them the reason I didn't say anything sooner, because that's one of the that was one of their questions like, Well, if you've known this long, why don't you say anything? And I was basically like, Well, I honestly didn't know, like what your stance was like, you know, how homophobic you were. And I didn't know if you're going to like, you know, kick me out basically. And then they were basically like, oh, you know, you would never do that. Like, you know, we love you, the same person, etc., etc.. My dad even started crying, but I never seen my dad cry before. But the so, you know, from here it sounds like, oh, you know, this is like headed on a good path. Like your parents eventually became accepting and everything was fine and unfortunately that wasn't really the case. It's better now, I will say in this present time as person moment it is. But as time went on and you know, I grew up and I saw I actually I think it was very soon after that I started dating this one girl like, you know, dated people before. But like, this was the first time I had dated someone and my parents actually knew about it. I wasn't hiding it from them. Come to think of it, I might have already been talking to my girlfriend at the time. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. But the thing was they knew about her and they were basically hellbent on doing everything they could to prevent me from seeing her without actually saying it. And then it got to the point kind of to where they basically did see it. And it's really fucked up because I didn't really have like I lived under the roof. So there was at one point where I didn't have my own car, so it was very difficult for me to go see her. And then. Knew this and they were basically they're basically like, well, under our roof. You know, it's fine if you're gay or whatever, but if you do like if you commit homosexual acts like, quote unquote, then that's a problem. Like you can't you know, we are not going to approve of that in our household. And then they even said shit like they insisted on me, like them going to church every Sunday. And of course, you know, I was very against it. And they were like, well, like, you know, and so you have to live under a roof, although those are the rules, basically. And I was like, yeah, So I would I don't know how they actually plan on enforcing it, especially knowing me because I was such a piece of shit as a kid. But I would just get in my car and like, take off every Sunday and like, do something and be like, Yeah, hey, with the church, I could really prove it. I mean, you know, they could have followed me, I guess, but they didn't have time to do that shit. But oh God, if they did, my life would have been a fuckin nightmare. But I'm really glad I have, like, fucking seven siblings. They would have been on me like hawks, but yeah, so I did it, you know, naturally. I did everything I could to see her. Anyways, I don't want to be crazy as shit like I had. My friend pretends to, you know, pick me up and hang out and they ended up taking like, a fucking, like Uber to my girlfriend's house. And I remember I got caught once. I did. And that's when they already I mean, they, they knew, but they were so pissed. They're really pissed off. And I think, I think it was that night actually, where I just felt like, you know what? This is fucked up. Like, I shouldn't have to feel like I'm sneaking around like a fucking criminal, like I'm a bad kid, like I'm doing something wrong just because I want to see my fucking girlfriends, you know? It's fucked up. So, um. Yeah, I just. I wasn't comfortable there. Like, I just. I don't know. It's. I didn't feel like I felt like there there supposedly, like acceptance and love was very conditional and very, for lack of a better word, like inauthentic, because when it mattered, like, they didn't it, you know, no matter how much they cared, care for me or whatever, it didn't outweigh their, like, prejudice and shit, basically, you know, they didn't win it over. Um, so that was that. But yeah, so basically I moved out when I was about four, I think right after I turned 18, more or less, as soon as I had saved up enough money. Um, and our whole living situation after that was kind of run over to as a whole other thing. But yeah, I, that was basically, yeah, I came out to my parents. I'm really glad, like I only had to come out to them once because I've heard other people say things like their parents forget like mine definitely did not forget. But there were things I really don't understand about my parents is that they like, it's weird. Like they're weirdly like, I feel like this is going to sound like not like I don't see this in a self-pitying way too soon and being honest way. Like, in a sense, they're ashamed of me. Um, but at the same time, like, they'll tell people like that they have a kid and I'm like, Oh, that's weird. Like, I don't really get it because it's like, or at least when it comes to my siblings, like, they, they'll, they won't talk about it out loud. And that really frustrates me because like the other day when I was talking to my mom, she we were talking about this a little bit and she was like, she didn't even like she was like, Oh, well, there's people listening and like, you know, like your siblings are listening and like, she wouldn't even see, like the word gay in front of them. And I'm like, okay, Like, it's not about like, it's really it's not something you can't say in front of kids, but that's still how she treats it and still, like, kind of hurts, honestly, you know? And was a was your parents the first people that you came out to fuck now? No. They're probably like the last people, you know, Not the last people. I mean, I'm always coming out to people because that's kind of how it is. But no, I had told basically everyone like before because like, leaving the best for last, I guess, like, I mean, I didn't want to deal with their reactions, but everyone else, I was at the point in my life where I wasn't ashamed of myself at all. So I was like, Yeah, like I'm going to tell whoever, but not my parents, because I'm like, you know, you know? So it was more of a practical thing than a like, Oh, what will they think of me type thing, you know? Um, yeah, I was, I was feel really weird about it because I know these people that like, I don't want to see legitimately but kind of, you know, got kicked out by their parents. So, like, you know, get the fuck out. Like, this is not your house anymore. Because technically, I still could have stayed there. I could have endured, like, the shit they were putting me through. But it was just it was too much. I feel like I'm some weird like I'm in some weird limbo between kids, you know, gay kids who have, like, really good, supportive parents and. And the gay kids who have, like, fucking horrible homophobic ass, like gays are going to burn in hell. But, like, I'm in some middle ground there. You know, it's different for everyone. I know people that they just put up with. I don't know how they do that, but like they put up with that shit and they still love their parents and they're still having a somewhat good ish relationship with them. I just, I can't really like for. Completely, I can't fathom. But yeah, that's basically. But yeah, when it came out to like, honestly, that's the one that sticks out the most in my head for me because it's so impactful compared to like coming out to other people. It was so nerve wracking, but it was fine. Like the reactions were just like, okay, yeah, whatever. You know, it was never a big deal. I think I I'm trying to think of actually the first person I came out to I. I really don't know. That was one of my friends at the time. Probably like in middle school or something. But it was basically reaction like, okay, cool. And I was one of those people, too, was like everyone knew I was gay before I did. So they would tell me, should they be like, Oh, how how you're gay? And I was like, Oh yeah, that's funny. But like, yeah, they're right. Well, thank you for sharing your story with us. 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