{"@context":"http://iiif.io/api/presentation/3/context.json","id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/iiif/kk94747k6h/manifest","type":"Manifest","label":{"en":["112618"]},"logo":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","metadata":[{"label":{"en":["Project"]},"value":{"en":["Youth Citizenship Narrative Project"]}},{"label":{"en":["Theme"]},"value":{"en":["Coming-Out"]}},{"label":{"en":["Age"]},"value":{"en":["26-40"]}},{"label":{"en":["Race"]},"value":{"en":["White"]}},{"label":{"en":["Ethnicity"]},"value":{"en":["Non-Latino"]}},{"label":{"en":["Gender"]},"value":{"en":["Female"]}},{"label":{"en":["Recording Type"]},"value":{"en":["Field Recording"]}}],"provider":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/aboutus","type":"Agent","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"homepage":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/","type":"Text","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"format":"text/html"}],"logo":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","type":"Image"}]}],"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857","type":"Canvas","label":{"en":["Media File 1 of 1 - open-uri20211202-21802-yc54cr.mpga"]},"duration":1314.6,"width":640,"height":360,"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/content/1","type":"AnnotationPage","items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/content/1/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"painting","body":{"id":"https://aviary-p-culturalmediaarchive.s3.wasabisys.com/collection_resource_files/resource_files/000/130/857/original/open-uri20211202-21802-yc54cr.mpga?1638443328","type":"Audio","format":"audio/mpeg","duration":1314.6,"width":640,"height":360},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857","metadata":[]}]}],"annotations":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["AUTO_TRINT_open-uri20211202-21802-yc54cr.mpga [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Thank you for meeting with us. Would you please give us your coming out story?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=2.54,7.91"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/2","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Sure. I will tell. Well, like like you said earlier, like there's multiple coming out stories. As queer people, we come out all the time and some of us come out more than once and some of us come out at different times for different things. But I will tell you about the first time I came out to my mom. Well, it was the first time I came out to my mom. It was also the only time I came out to her because it definitely what happened definitely, like solidified a lot of like what I had going on in my head. I'll explain that more. But I was in my second ish, almost beginning my third year of college, and I was a really sheltered kid and I didn't do a lot wrong when I was like in high school and stuff. And so when I went away for college, I, I started thinking about things and like, exploring things and like having new experiences. And I was trying to figure out what I was in regards to, like my sexual orientation. And I didn't really have a word for it because I just knew it wasn't straight. Like I just knew that it wasn't like stereotypical heterosexual, like sexual orientation that I was absolutely sure of, but I had no idea what to call it. So because I was away at school, because I was like, navigating a lot between like working a lot and trying to go through classes and trying to like, just, like, figure myself out as a person. I got, like, hyper depressed and, like, almost suicidal. So my mom brought me home. So I was transitioning back to living at home and being at home and also trying to figure out all of these other things and try to get like past my depression and like my anxiety about things. And I started and I started exploring my sexual orientation for sure. And I needed a new car at the time, and my mom and I were kind of just bouncing around dealerships, looking at things, trying to figure it out. And all during all this time, like, I had this like, idea in my head or just like exploring ideas in my head about like my sexual orientation. And I had made like a one off comments about like marrying my best friend and like joining the Peace Corps. And my mom was like, Oh, are you gay? And my response was, I don't know. I think so. I don't know. Like, I answered honestly. Like she asked me an honest question and up and to that point, I had a really good relationship with my mom, or at least I thought I did, and I thought I could tell her things. And so I just answered honestly, like there was no reason to lie. I never really lied to my mom, and she handled it in the moment pretty well. I love you. You're still my daughter. I still care about you did it at adult. Like all the things like you want a mom to say. And this was also around Christmas time, too. I remember it because I always give advice to not come out around the holidays because of my own experience. So it was around the holidays and I remember like a almost like a full day had passed and I woke up like I like a solid like 24, 48 hours after. I can't remember exactly how much it's been a really long time. And like, I could just tell by like, just her demeanor that, like, things had like, settled for her in her mind about, like, what I had said because she also didn't probe me in the conversation either. It's not like she asked me, like what I'm feeling or like, how I'm figuring this out. Like, I literally just answer the question. And she was like, Oh, okay. Like, there was no deeper dive into like, what my like, psyche was doing on her end. And so, like, when I woke up that day and like, came downstairs and, like, saw that she was in a shitty mood, I was like, Oh, I know exactly what this is about. Like, I knew my mother enough at the time. I'm to know that like, Oh, she's pissed off about something. Like, that's just you can just tell. And the memory is a little bit blurry, but it went from like coming out sort of in like answering her question and being like, okay, to like almost the exact opposite. I remember her yelling at me a lot. I remember her. My mom grew up Catholic. It was not a religious person. And I remember her like telling me like God was going to like, send me to hell. And then me being instantly confused because I was like, You don't really even believe in God. And just like being more, more shocked by the fact that like, she, like, pulled out religion and the fact that she was like, upset and we fought off and on for about two weeks. I remember it was about two weeks because it like bled into New Years. I wasn't spending a lot of time at home. I was just like throwing to myself in like my work and school and like I had re-enrolled in school at that point. So I was like having to take classes and I was working as a server and I was like trying to live at home with like, all of, like my mom's feelings about this and she just got like, shittier and shittier about it. And I think there was one point where, like, she kicked me out of the house and I know that happened like a couple of times. I know like she kicked me out a couple of times and then I came back and there was one time in particular where I was on my I was on the like of a house phone, like an actual house that like if you pick up the other end of the phone, like, you can hear the conversation that I was talking to one of my friends of just about like how I was feeling and how I was doing. And my mom picked up the phone and listened to the conversation, and that's when it went from like really bad to worse. She yelled a lot. It got a little violent in regards to like some of our interactions, and she kicked me out of the house and that was like the last time I stayed at the house. And that was I think I was I was I know I was over 21. I think I had just had my 22nd birthday and she kicked me out of the house. And then I was going back and forth between my grandma's couch and my best friend. And I remember having to call the police department to ask for an escort to go back to my mom's house because I literally just like, just left the house with like the clothes on my back and like, I think like my cell phone. And I think I had like a car charger and like, that was it. And I remember telling the police officer that I had recently come out and that like, my mom wasn't happy about it. And I remember like the look on her face was like one of those looks like, who the fuck does that? Like, who the fuck? Like, like Ms., like, mistreats their child like that or, like, doesn't accept them. So I remember when we got to the door, my mom was just like, super adamant about not letting me get any of my stuff. And she's like, Well, I bought it all for you. And I remember the police officer at Lake basically forcing her to let me in, not like physically, but like in a very police officer way being like, you know, you just have to do this. And I remember I had like 15 minutes to get all my stuff that I needed and it was like a laptop and some clothes and some toiletries, like super basic stuff. And that was the last time I ever went back to the house for things. And like the last time, not like the last time I saw my mom, but like the last time I was ever, like, in her house with stuff there. And I completely like that was like a very defining moment for me. Because even though she had not accepted me, I didn't know. I knew what she did was wrong. Like whatever was going on in my mind about like my sexual orientation, like I was figuring that all out, like I was reading and I was researching and I was talking to people and I was exploring things and I was doing all of those things. But like, no matter how that like, identity ended up, like, I know what my mom did was wrong. And so I wasn't going to like, put myself back in that situation. And I remember I was homeless for a while and then I moved in with my dad. And that was really important because my dad and I had an estranged relationship up until that point because my parents divorced when I was really young and I. I remember him being just like, I love you. You're my daughter. I just want you to be happy. And that. That was like the things he said to me until, like, the day he died. And I remember that, like, definitely changed things, too. And that was like a how was it intense year now that I'm looking back on it. So, yeah, so I moved on. I'm just processing. So I moved in with my dad and then I remember finishing my degree and going to grad school. And I haven't talked to my mom since I was 22, and I just turned 33 in November. Like early November. So close to ten, 11 years. Yeah.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=9.14,639.69"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/3","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e When you came out to other people, um, in comparison with like, how horrible it was with your mother, did it affect you? And you were like, Oh, you might not want to. Or like, it could be a bad experience. Um.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=642.65,655.92"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/4","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e I was really lucky in the fact that when kind of all of this shit went down with my mom, I had a really good support system. My grandma was definitely there for me. My best friend was really there for me. I had transferred to a university with a LGBT pride center and resource center, and that was really helpful for me because as I was kind of going all through this, there were like days where like I just went to campus just to hang out in that space and like, I didn't even go to school and even go to classes. I just hung out there all day. And that provided me with a lot of like support. And everybody was just like super compassionate and super just like affirming of who I was. And I had like this one really terrible experience coming out to my mom. But like, everything since then has been, like, really good. Like, I haven't gotten a lot of, like, negative feedback from, like, friends or family. I'm like, super openly queer with the rest of my family. My brother and I kind of have this, like, blended family because, like, our dad has passed and neither of us have a relationship with our mother for very, very different reasons and some of the same reasons. And so we kind of have this like blended family that we've created. And like I've always been openly queer with them, like my nieces know they can ask me questions. So it's been positive in that sense, because I've had ever since that experience, I've had a really good support system and like friends and family who like, actually really care about me. And now it's just like a component of who I am with them. Not like the fact that like Megan's queer.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=657.89,766.43"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/5","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eUnidentified:\u003c/strong\u003e Sorry. Okay. Um.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=771.1,775.93"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/6","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e So was the first person who actually came out to your mom, or was it somebody else?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=777.22,780.58"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/7","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Um, up until that point, I think I was, like, ambivalent about, like, I was just, like, it was more of, like, a process of, like, finding myself and figure out who I am and, like, hanging out with queer people and, like, so on and so forth. But like, I think that was like the first time that No, I know it was. I know what that was the first time that like somebody who I cared about, who I also thought cared about me, asked me a question and I answered it honestly rather than just like I'm just exploring or I'm just figuring it out or like, I don't know what I am or like, whatever. Like, whatever answer I was giving up until that point, for sure. But like that, that, that situation, like, really, like, jumpstarted the rest of my life because, like, I don't think I'd be doing the work now that I'm doing in social justice and queer work. I don't think I would have like the friends that I have or the family that I have or like. There's been a lot that I have done because of that situation that has like a lot of what I've done has been affected by that situation, both like good and bad, like ways to like, be independent and not rely on other people and feeling like if I do something wrong, the carpet will be pulled out from under me. Like, those were all the things that I felt like up until like that point.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=781.72,871.57"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/8","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. Can you give us an example of coming out with somebody that was extremely positive, like more than what you expected? Or do you? Um.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=873.04,881.17"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/9","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e So I don't know if I have. I'm old. So I feel like. I feel like I come out all the time just based on like what I do and who I interact with. But. Like, I don't I think I just have such a like an affirming support system. And I've been out and queer for so long, it's hard to think of, like anything negative that has happened outside of that incident or even anything that's like extremely positive too. I think I just have I think I just to be quite frank, I think I just don't give a fuck what people think and like, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. I like my family very much, knows that about me too. So I think even if like it was negative or like overly positive, they're probably of the thinking that like, I don't care what people think anyway, I'm just going to be me. So I can't think of an exact example that was like super affirming, mostly because I think it just I've been out so long.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=885.5,958.75"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/10","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. Can you talk about, um. Sorry, Of course. Um, uh, so presenting yourself, um, the way you do it could be like, Oh, that person is queer just by looking at coming out to society in that aspect. Uh, you know, when you started to do that and, like, what? Like what was the feedback? Like.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=960.22,986.53"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/11","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Um, yeah, so I remember around this, like, whole time with my mom, I was really trying to like, explore like queer culture and like dike culture and like, I went from, like, not like hyper femme, maybe hyper fat maybe to like almost the exact opposite, like, I, like, cut my hair in a really butch way and like, I was wearing, like, dicky pants and like, I was really trying to figure it out because like, in my mind, there was this idea of what like a lesbian looked like because that was like a bisexual and like a lesbian look like, and like a very firm idea of what that looks like. And so I thought that's how I had to look like, not even realizing that, like I can just be whatever I want to be into something where I want to dress whatever makes me comfortable. But then somewhere down the line I found like this middle ground because I was like, I'm not hyper masculine at all. Like, that's just not who I am. And I'm more like in the middle of, like, androgyny. And I think that that was really powerful to me because I very much enjoy looking different than I think heterosexual people and or straight people. I like to be obviously queer, and that's really positive because like when I go places and I see like another queer person and I'm like, You're queer. I'm queer, we know we're queer, but we don't know each other's names. So I feel like that's been I feel like that's been really good. I'm just not I just beat my own drum most of the times. And I think presenting queer is important to me because it it's part of the work I do, but it's also like in solidarity with other queer people. And it's, it's about like being like my most authentic self. I think that answer your question. Okay.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=987.38,1109.98"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/12","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e So my question is, when did you realize that you were part of this community? How old were you or how you were as far as you know? Oh.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=1112.2,1119.98"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/13","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. So I think there's two questions in there because I think knowing and then and then accepting it within yourself are two very, very different things. And I definitely knew super early on, like I knew like I knew from kindergarten because I knew that like my best friend at the time, I knew that I liked her more than I was supposed to just because of, like, signals and like, like all of that, all of that information you collect as a young child and then process making you realize that, like, this is what relationships are supposed to look like. And if they don't look like that, then it's wrong. And like I knew I liked my best friend more than I should have because of all of that messaging. And so I think I mean, knowing that those were quote unquote, wrong things to like, think and feel, I think that set me on a collision course for like not accepting it for a really long time, but also knowing it. And like, I had a crush on a girl in my French class like sophomore year of high school. And like, I was like, I know that I like her, I know this, I absolutely know this, but I can't say it out loud. And I'm not going to like, say, even say it to myself. So I think knowing and then accepting it are two very different things. And I knew very, very early on, but I think I didn't accept it and. Til like my early twenties, cause like, I even had like, a boyfriend in, like, college. And that was really, that was really confusing for me because I was like, I didn't really understand, like, bisexuality and or like, pansexuality the way I do, like now and how like you can have a preference for one and you can like both and like it's, it's, it's a spectrum for sure. And so I think I didn't accept it until like my early twenties. And then obviously you have to accept it first before you can tell people. Yeah. The question. Yeah. I think what's really important to know about, like my story specifically is like. For me, I, I don't regret anything I've done with, like, my coming out experience or, like, telling people, like even my mom and even the fact that, like, we don't have a relationship anymore and like, like I choose not to have a relationship with her for lots of reasons. I don't regret any of that because I that has all fed in to like the work I do now and like the life I live now. And without those experiences, I feel like I would be a completely different person and I'm not sure I would even like that person. Um, I think that's just really, I think that's, that's what I'll finally say of like the last part. I think that's what's really important to me is that I don't regret anything. Yeah.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=1120.75,1306.24"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/14","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e All right. Oh, thank you.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=1308.67,1310.17"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/15","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857#t=1310.53,1312.36"}]},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["English [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56662/file/130857/transcript/44929/annotation/16","type":"Annotation","motivation":"subtitling","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/file_transcripts/associated_files/000/044/929/original/open-uri20230706-1660587-btak45?1688666570","format":"text/vtt","language":"en"},"target":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/file_transcripts/associated_files/000/044/929/original/open-uri20230706-1660587-btak45?1688666570"}]}]}]}