{"@context":"http://iiif.io/api/presentation/3/context.json","id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/iiif/sj19k46r4r/manifest","type":"Manifest","label":{"en":["040321"]},"logo":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","metadata":[{"label":{"en":["Project"]},"value":{"en":["Youth Citizenship Narrative Project"]}},{"label":{"en":["Theme"]},"value":{"en":["Coming-Out"]}},{"label":{"en":["Age"]},"value":{"en":["26-40"]}},{"label":{"en":["Race"]},"value":{"en":["White"]}},{"label":{"en":["Ethnicity"]},"value":{"en":["Latino"]}},{"label":{"en":["Gender"]},"value":{"en":["Female"]}},{"label":{"en":["Recording Type"]},"value":{"en":["Zoom"]}}],"provider":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/aboutus","type":"Agent","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"homepage":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/","type":"Text","label":{"en":["The Empathy Archive"]},"format":"text/html"}],"logo":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/210/original/The_Empathy_Archive_logo.png?1701124070","type":"Image"}]}],"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985","type":"Canvas","label":{"en":["Media File 1 of 1 - 040321.mp3"]},"duration":3954.852,"width":640,"height":360,"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collections/default_thumbs/000/001/731/small/DSCF6473.jpg?1694562649","type":"Image","format":"image/png"}],"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/content/1","type":"AnnotationPage","items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/content/1/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"painting","body":{"id":"https://aviary-p-culturalmediaarchive.s3.wasabisys.com/collection_resource_files/resource_files/000/130/985/original/040321.mp3?1638462489","type":"Audio","format":"audio/mpeg","duration":3954.852,"width":640,"height":360},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985","metadata":[]}]}],"annotations":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["AUTO_TRINT_040321.mp3 [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e If you. Hello. What are your preferred pronouns?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=0.92,7.35"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/2","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e My pronouns are she. Her, her and.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=10.55,13.44"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/3","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Thank you. And what is your sexual orientation and gender identity?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=15.98,21.86"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/4","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Hmm. My sexual identity is definitely queer. I'd like to just put queer in both of them, if I'm being honest. I don't. Yeah, like I don't. I like to put myself in a box when it comes to who I'm attracted to. Um, I think that's a I think that's a bunch of bullshit. I feel like. I just kind of like who I like. I don't want to call myself an either because I feel like that's a little restrictive for me, and that's putting me too much in a box because, like, yeah, like, say, an alien where to come down and I fall in love like that is. You know, that's how do you, quote unquote, characterize or label that. So I like to say that I'm queer who I'm attracted to. On my sexuality. My gender expression is also queer slash like. Gender fluid. I like to just kind of go with the flow, whatever I'm feeling. I'm really, really. I take a lot of pride. So my journey has been very interesting. So I take a lot of pride in. Being connected to my masculinity. I liked, you know. I mean, I still do. But there was one point in time that that's what I solely identified myself as. Is I, Butch. So I've kind of just. Explored and transformed in different various ways through the rainbow of, you know, LGBTQ, a plus, you know. So I like to just yell sometimes I want to wear my clothes and I don't do my hair sometimes to the point where, like even my body, the way I express my body, is very important to me, for example. I don't see my armpits. I don't do those kind of. Quote unquote, feminine. I don't know. Clean up or, you know, keep up. I don't shave my legs. You know, those kinds of things. Allowing myself to kind of just be a woman, you know, identify myself as a woman. So I am you know, I know that I am thin and comfortable in my body. So I am a a woman, but I do like to play around with masculinity and femininity. What is what is you know, what is it? What are they? You know, what even constitutes as female? Um, you know, male. Um. Gender, you know, gender expression specifically. I also the way I like to you know, it definitely was sexually, but gender expression, I feel like it's holistic. So I like to look at everything. So. To even, you know, the double standard of if women want to have sex with all these people like that like that to me is. How we can tap into. Masculinity, quote unquote. You know, or what people think is masculine. I'm doing a lot of quote unquote. I don't know if you're going to hear or watch this because. It's just so it's just so fluid, you know? Like gender and sexuality is so fluid that even saying, you know, I am this, I am that I don't I don't always agree with it. Because I feel like everybody's and this is solely solely my approach. What I what I believe is. Everyone needs a little girl. Everyone is a little gay. Everyone has you know, it may not be a lot. It may not. You don't even have to fully identify yourself. As one or the other. But everybody's a little. I truly believe, you know, everybody has a you know, a quote, a man crush. You know, if you identify as male or male, portraying, showing and blinking out what the what the term is. But, you know, it's it's all subject. It's all fluid. You know, if you if people want to dress a little bit more masculine or. Want to be a little bit more butch. I think it's just it's it's so cool. Like when people even like to explore those parts of themselves, I think. There's a real courage when people allow themselves to open up sexually. You know, their sexuality, their gender expression. That's very powerful. And I don't think a lot of people look for it because there's just, you know. I don't want to say that I'm gay, but it's like, who's okay? You know, and again, I don't I don't want to say, but I believe that there is everybody has it in them. It's just it depends if people want to explore that or not. And that's totally cool if people don't want to explore that, you know, because that's their prerogative, You know, that's what they want. But people, people can do whatever they want. You know, as far as how they dress, how do they portray themselves, who they're attracted to? Yeah, I went on a huge tangent.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=27.95,435.66"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/5","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e That's totally fine and thank you for for that. But it's something I want to go back as you started. You mentioned several times about gender expression and playing with that and just, you know, going outside of that quote unquote. And I would even introduce this term the binary of what is and what would be a man and what is to be a woman. But when did this journey started for you? When you started to like maybe see those pieces of like, oh, like. I want to, quote unquote, be more butch or, you know, I want to play with my femininity. When did that journey or when did you realize that you wanted to do those things?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=440.62,481.49"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/6","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e It was definitely in high school. High schools are really a turning point for me. I had gotten into a lesbian relationship. And we started together again. This is my disclaimer preface. This is my first relationship ever, and this is my first same sex relationship as well. So there's a lot of firsts for both of us. And I when I first entered, it was I was hyper feminine. I was quote unquote, what people like to call a lipstick lesbian. And. I found myself comparing myself. To my to my girlfriend at the time, you know, like I wasn't as this as her. It wasn't as bad as her. And I started to really not like myself. I really to not appreciate who I was, not appreciate what I can give, what I can. Offer. Not for anybody but for myself. I didn't see that. And she was the one who kind of introduced me to. And again, this was a brand new world for me. So. I didn't know any of this. I didn't know, you know, that there was even. More masculine lesbians. And I started to really like she showed me different, like in pop culture, lots of pop culture. You know, LGBTQ icons were really big for me personally. Not only, you know. How they dress or what have you. But for me, it was like life changing, you know, to see that these women dress like this and really were comfortable in their. Skin dressing like this. There was just some sort of empowerment to it, and I started to explore this when I was 16. It was like a breaking point. 16 sophomore year also was. Just. It's probably one of the most traumatic years of my life ever. I'm 29 now, and that year was just really bad. I was basically outed and we can go on a tangent after that. But so 16 is when I really started to discover that about myself that I was a little bit more masculine. It felt good. It felt different. I felt like myself. I felt like I had discovered a part of me, you know? I like to tell this tale, this legend that I was supposed to be a boy. And I really believe that it stuck with me for a little, you know, that stuck with me in my soul that technically I was on the run and things like that was supposed to be a boy. And then I came out and I was a girl. And so I really believe that I have, like, lots of masculine energy around me, you know, I portray that, I emulate that. And I started to dress different, you know, 17 was like one of my favorite girls ever living. So 16 was the worst, that 17 was the best. And 17 is when I attended my first pride. Amazing. Incredible. I felt like in a in a tank top, you know, my hair was like at at that time it was like, you know, like emo kind of like with the bangs. And I was just feeling myself. I was just like, Oh, my God, this creature like me, it's. It's me. You know, it's it's a different me and. I love that part of me that I was able to. You know, be a little more more masculine. You know, to that I was able to explore that part of me. It just felt different. It it felt different. And it still does because I like to see that still. I carry that with me. That's something that my along my journey. Found out about myself was that I do like to be a little bit more masculine, a little bit more like, you know. Tomboy. I love being a cool queer girl. Like, it's just That was cool. Me that. Oh. Safe that felt like home.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=486.31,813.2"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/7","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e But it again.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=839.79,840.06"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/8","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Call.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=846.16,846.16"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/9","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e One.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=852.98,852.98"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/10","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Okay, cool. So. Pride. Pride changed my life. I walked in and I was like, Oh my God. There are. All kinds of walks of life here at all ages. It was beautiful. I Yeah, I loved it. It changed my life. That was the first time that, like, I was able to, like, dance with other girls and not be judged for it or not be like. Looked at weird or anything like that. You know, I could see just all kinds of different people there, even heterosexual people, you know, there, cisgender people there and. There are just. I don't know. It was just. Like heaven for me, you know, like we were just able to to be ourselves. To be ourselves, then to dance with whoever. Have fun. You know, there was no limitations to having fun. And so it. Was truly like that. It was life changing for me and. Yeah, I was 17. And after that, like, I've. I replied. That was great. I loved it.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=857.96,946.6"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/11","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Thank you. I have so many questions for you. So the first one I'll begin with right now is that, you know, you said that in high school, that's when you first began your first a lot for his relationship or his relationship with another woman and. I don't want to assume, but I'm sure that it was very that process to accepting it or or, you know, just coming to terms that you were not what and again, I don't want to assume that like you were not in this heteronormative relationship, that you were with another woman or teenager, in this case, a teenager girl. How did that go about it? If you don't mind me asking. And again, you can completely we can dismiss this or we can move to another question. But like, how did that go with your your family? Because I know you also said that the most traumatic you know, you were outed. So I don't know if those two are connected or there were separate events, but I want to see if you were comfortable enough to talk about those experiences either together or separate or however they were. Mm hmm. You know, happened in the timeline.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=950.04,1030.3"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/12","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e No. So first of all, I'd like to also mention that I attended an all girls Catholic high school. So there was a layer of religion to all of this, which I think it wasn't necessarily like coming to terms like, you know, me or anything like that, I think. Because I'm very you know, my experiences are mine and. I can't really judge them. You know, like, whatever kind of comes, comes whatever I feel, feels right, feels right. I think. I really believe a lot of LGBTQ I a people feel that you know they most most. When they got it, they got it, you know, when they figured it out. Finally, it's the most liberating thing at any age what had happened when it happens. But I think it's the world who can't handle it. In this case, that that was what happened with me. I feel like. Me coming to terms with me being gay or me being a little bit more masculine or whatever the hell I was, I was totally cool with it, you know, because I think at age five I started liking girls. So I think it just. You know, I don't know. Like, I just always kind of thought that I was normal. So that to me wasn't a huge process process, you know? I think it was the religion part that. It really affected me. It left a lot of. And it still does. You know, that's a part of my shadow work. It is decolonizing, you know. Catholicism and gay people. I think that. It really was the root of it. You know, I wasn't. Except I'm not accepted because I'm gay. I'm a very. I'm a faith based person, so it's I have a lot of spirituality, a lot of faith. Not necessarily like I'm a religious person, but I'm very faith, spiritual based. And that was really hard for me to swallow. You know, that this thing, this. Belief system that I had invested my whole life in didn't accept me for who I was, naturally. And I think that really affected me. You know, it left me like, God doesn't love me, You know, I'm not loved. I'm not accepted. And I wasn't going to change who I was, though, you know, for whatever faith I had. I wasn't going to change that. Because I knew the way that it made me feel. And. I even my faith wasn't going to have the compromise that. Which then goes into my family because my family, again, you know, first they are young parents, but for being young parents are not so progressive. So they. You know, when they. Heard, you know, because I was out it. A best friend of mine at the time who was no longer my friend anymore. I told her I was 16 and I told her about my relationship. And she told her mom. And she told her mom, like, please don't say anything. You know, what have you. Like, I just I don't know why to this day why she shared it or, you know, anything like that. But she did. And her mom told my mom and my parents and that, you know, I came home one day and. I don't know. That was. Probably one of the most hardest days of my life. You know, my parents sat me down and they talked to me and they. Said that they found out about my relationship and. The speculation that I might have been gay. And they threatened me with kicking me out of school. Of that school. Because they thought that that was part of it. Reason why I was like this. And I was never to see. My, you know. Girlfriend, best friend at the time. I was never to see her. She was ever to come over again, was gone. I was basically just punished really, really harshly. For being gay, for my parents and for that entire year. I didn't really talk to my mom. My mom never really talked to me. And it was really hard. It was really, really hard to go through. I think the thing that I regret most is. Not saying the truth. Then in there. I did. You know, I. Lied to. You know that She wasn't my girlfriend. I wasn't getting. To protect myself. Was really scared of being kicked out. I was really scared of. Changing schools. I was really scared of not being with the person that I love. It was really life shattering for me and. That changed my perception of coming out, of being comfortable, being safe. I always have like issues like, is it safe? Is it okay? You know, because of this, You know, I'm always so weary and like. It's just instinctual. I just get really scared here because I believe that it's just myself trying to protect myself from being hurt again and again. That's a part of my shuttle work I'm doing. But. Those two things were a huge determining factors of me processing being a gay person. And there were experiences. I don't want to say that there were bad. But there were experiences. There were my experiences to help shape. Mean now help shape safe spaces, brave spaces for people now, especially my family, because I needed that at the time. So. It's really important to have like safety and comfortable but being comfortable and not outing. And so and so to this day, I am so weird about. Outing people like I am so like, I'll ask a thousand times like, is it okay? You know, like a thousand times to my friends who aren't out. Even if they are out, I still ask because. Being outed is probably one of the. Most difficult things that a person can experience, you know, not being able to share your own everyday. If it's it's a little. I don't know. It's really hard. It's kind of like rape. And that's that's huge. I don't want to compare it at all, but that's what it is, being taken something so precious away without permission. Not at your discretion. You know, having that taken away without permission, without discretion. You know, taking your narrative that that is what it felt like being outed and how it affected me.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=1032.0,1594.67"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/13","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e And thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I know that. That experience can be very traumatic. And I appreciate you for for sharing this. And I'm sure that. People will be unfortunately relate to the story just because outing is so common and people don't see the consequences. But thank you again for sharing that. And then. It's it seems like 16 and 17 were completely a drastic as you mentioned, 16 were so traumatic for you for, of course, many given experiences. But even though 17 was like the best year of your life, you went to Pride and you were able to explore more of that of yourself. And I was wondering, how did that go about? How did you know? Did you? Did he do something or he took ownership or not ownership, But like, did you take the lead of like, this is my life and I will leave it this way? Or yeah, I just want to follow up on how bad go from like being one of the previously the 16 was like the worst year to 17, just like the best year of your life.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=1599.93,1674.27"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/14","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e This sounds really small, but if you've ever listened to Lady Gaga's hair loss, her songs called Hair. It was when I cut my hair. I had really long hair like, well, growing up, you know, I'm a Latina. So in our culture, having long hair is a sign of femininity. It's a sign of, you know, maiden hood. It's a sign of. I don't know. Ready to get married? You're ready. You're prepped. You're. You know that. That kind of energy. And I cut it off. I cut my hair and. That was the most powerful, liberating thing for me is cutting my hair. I don't know. It just it literally unshackled me from all the ugly thoughts that I had about myself. Having short hair just empowered me. It made me feel different and made me feel like. I was mean, but the first time it caused a lot of controversy with my mom. And again, she's really young, but she's not progressive. And I don't know if it's not, you know, progressive or fear. Or she just kind of got defensive about it rather than me exploring that. Or asking questions or having a conversation. She just got really defensive about it. So. Quick story. When I was 18, I was graduating from high school and I cut my hair like Joe Jonas. Those are really short, like haircut, like bangs in the front, just like bomb hair. And this is how I wanted to look like Joe Jonas and his haircut in the bill is obsessed. Was obsessed with Joe. Joe Jonas. And I was like, Oh, my God, I want my hair like this. I got my haircut and they came home. My mom did not go with me. And so when I got home. Mind you, I was going to take my senior portrait the next day. So this haircut was very important. And I came home with really, really short hair shorter than how I usually have it. And. She got really, really upset at me. She yelled at me. And I will never forget like we were in the garage and she says, You look like you look good. And I was like. What? You know, Like what? Like what do I look like? You know, I knew she wanted to see. You look like a lesbian. You look gay, you know, those kinds of things. And she couldn't say it. And she couldn't say it. And they took my pictures the next day. Q And still to this day, when I see it, I'm just like, Go you girl like her doing that shit for you, you know, for still. Taking your work, feeling confident, you know. And. It was. I really have to attest, it's me cutting my hair. It was because, you know, hair plays a really big part. I really love hair. I'm really weird. But hair plays a part of who you are, you know, goes back to like. Instinctual, being wild like it's your hair when you're getting you to, you know, those kinds of things like. It's. Yeah. I don't know. I love it. It's a huge deal for me, so. I think that. It's how I got me cutting my hair. And then I, you know, had this huge, like, aha. Epiphany moment and. Then I started being really butch. And I have a hair. Sure. And I was your eyes closed, like, Oh, my God. And then I turned 17. And so 17 is really where I just. I took place in my community. I think 17 is when I accepted my. My place in the community. It's when I accepted. Mean any kind of queer mean, you know, that comes. I was like, oh my God, this is this is this is me. You know, this is great. And I was in my own skin and it felt refreshing and liberating. And then college hit and that was like just beyond, you know, because it was I went again to. A. Private university. And. They they are religious. And so being gay again, you know, kind of in a. In the same boat, very different environment was like, wow, you know, that was just like eye opening that I can, you know, then I got a lot of backlash. I didn't talk about that, but I got a lot of backlash from my friends when I started to become a little bit more butch. You know, obviously, I was in high school. Everybody knew everybody because there was a tiny high school. So everybody knew me with my long hair and my red lipstick and my things like that. And when they saw me a little bit more masculine, they're like, What the. Like, what the hell? Like, what are you doing? Like, you're just a poser. Like, you're just changing all the time. You're just like. They weren't taking me seriously. They thought I was dumb. They thought I was like, you know, I was just a poser and. That was really hard to do. I still kept being me. You know, I was going to be. But Queen. Me and. It was just. A fresh start when I started college because I started. But, you know, all my pretty much all down my college years, I was butch. And so to start a new place like that was just it was really cool. So I don't know. Yeah, it was just. But I it has to me, cutting my hair thrilling when it comes down to it.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=1678.76,2114.84"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/15","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e That story while it's. Full empowerment of cutting your hair really showed. It gave you a new perspective and everything. And that's really amazing. But something that I want to ask and I'm sorry if we're going back a little bit to my school, but you mentioned you graduated from high school and the senior porter and everything. So does that mean that you. Stayed in the same high school. There's that relationship with that your girlfriend at the time continued. How did that go about? And you know where you you said you said that you lied in a way to the coping as not a coping, but like as a defense mechanism to, you know, to protect yourself. But how did that go about with you staying in the same high school and then applying to your private religious university? So I was wondering, how did that go about and the mentioning that, you know. Cutting the hair and everything. So I just when I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit more on those years.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2118.46,2185.69"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/16","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. So it did in high school. The ground rules still remain so. She never came into the house. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. We kept our relationship a secret. Obviously our friends knew, but we kept it a secret. It took a long, long, long time for my family to remotely warm up. A little bit college got a little interesting but that's because. I kind of went on my own at college, but. I don't know. It just. Sorry. I lost my train of thought. Unless I must mention. What I think. I said at the high school. Oh. It was just. I think lying to my parents was the worst, you know? And again, you know, I'm talking to Amanda now and I was in high school, but I really believe. When you are a child, even though you're in high school, you are a child. I believe. Or a minor. That is the most pure love that can exist. So this relationship was not. A flame. You know, it was not anything like that at the time. I really believed. She was my partner for life. And so. I think that was really hard, you know, like imagining my future. You know, where was I going to be? How was my parents going to take this? Whether you're really going to accept me for who I am. I think that. You know, like that time it wasn't just the whatever relationship. It was a very serious relationship. And I think that was hard. That was hard having to be quiet about it, having to. Not be so vocal about it. You know, the one person that I loved, I was not able to. Mary? Mm hmm. You know, I was. I wasn't able to marry at the time. I wasn't able to share my my love or my excitement or my hurt with my family. You know, I had to live a double life. And my sister. I came out to my sister to have a younger sister and I came out to her and she was really my life. She still is my late. Because they came out to her at 16 and just one should happen. You know, she she stuck by me and she was really my ally in that in that home because the parents were just not budging with it. And. It was really hard, you know, to have a really serious relationship. It wasn't something like. And not be able. To share it with my family. You know, like when you bring your girlfriend or your partner over. Like, I couldn't do that. So I think little things like that was really hard. Like little transitions that and admittedly, I like to keep asking these questions because. There, there, there, but obviously there. You know, I've healed from them. I thought about them, but they're definitely deep, you know, because I forgot about that. I forgot about those things because they're they're hard to to think about now. And I'm out to my family now, but. I think it just at the time was really hard to be in serious relationship and. Be in these transitional years of my life and not have to share it with my family. And I don't know if that answered your question. I probably want another tangent.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2186.83,2460.23"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/17","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. I mean, yeah, you went to like. How you were. Able to be in that relationship, but he had to like, live this double life. And I feel like a lot of LGBT plus especially you have to do is, you know, say to their parents that they they're dating someone, but they use other pronouns just to ensure that you know, they're safe and stuff like that. So. No, I completely understand. And I see where where you're coming from with this. And then you mentioned college. I, I feel like college is a period of time where a lot of people who are in the LGBT community get to be themselves. And you kind of mentioned this because you said that you parted ways and you were you know, so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking about your experience in the. In college and how you lived and how you went about being queer and your experience overall.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2463.18,2530.32"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/18","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Mm hmm. So college was the greatest. I had such a blast. I really found people who. Just illuminated my life in different ways. I liked to have friends who were also gay. I have friends who are also, you know, but we were in class together, you know, like those kinds of things. But that I knew that they were gay. That we were we were friends. It was liberating as hell. Like people encouraged me and my girlfriend. Like, that was weird to me. Not weird in a bad way, but just like, Oh my God, are you sure? Because again, it was a religious, private institution. So there was a GSA selection alliance of the time and that. Was really my spark of when I started to. Like advocate for human rights and things. You know, I think that is when that part kicked in the activism. Spreading awareness. Self-awareness. Having conversations. I think college really was the birth of that, you know, the birth of me fighting for. And I'm a huge advocate. Like, I'm just I'm an Aquarius. So I love innovating. Rebelling and activist like activism is very huge for me. And I think that is where it like that is when it was born. Specifically. I mean, of course, like the prize got wilder and funner and bigger and made more friends. I did more risk, you know, like sexually. And that was really fun, too. You know, having privacy is difficult. You know it. For any teenage couple. And again, I'm not promoting people, you know, be safe children, but. I don't. It was it was restrictive. And so this was privacy. And so that's hard in itself. You know, that was different. It's, you know, being away from family and having your own space was liberating and like, oh, crap. Like, oh, shit, you know? So even sexually was. A time for me to explore. I was still with my girlfriend at the time. And. Yeah, Like I went to Tiger here. It was great. You know, like it just fun. Tiger, He was really fun. That was like the gay club when I was in college. It was Tiger here. I think it's still going, but I don't know if it's okay if it's still going, but I don't know if it's as popular. But it was it was just the most beautiful moment. You know, being with my friends, dancing with. The one I loved. You know, like, those kinds of things in public was just like, mind blowing to me. And so. College was great. I met some of the most beautiful people there. But I still keep in contact with and they're still really close to me. Yeah, College is great. I really love college again. Again. There wasn't. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. But I really had fun with being gay. You know, being queer in a private institution. But it's. I love, you know, causing controversy and I love going against the norm because why not?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2532.4,2786.53"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/19","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Yes. So something that you mentioned back, but I wanted to maybe use it for for the future is that you said that you had a friend or I'm sorry, your your girlfriend at the time who introduced a lot of pop culture, a lot of LGBT icons and like different shows and just the. That type of. Exposure. Pop it specifically pop, because you mentioned pop culture. So I was wondering if you could say or name some of those like icons that you mentioned or some of the shows that you watched that got you more immersed into the the the gay or your queer experience overall?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2791.2,2842.63"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/20","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e The one that comes right off the bat is if anybody is watched the L word. So the L word is very pivotal and I'll use my lesbian. Life. I mean, I'm still queer, but that really was very pivotal to see a show about lesbians. I'm just like, I love this and it's great. And it's not just, you know, who sleeping with you or who's moving in with who. Right. Cause I like to talk about stereotypes with LGBTQ, a population. So it wasn't just about that. It wasn't just about, you know, talking about stereotypes everybody has to picture, but. It wasn't just talking about that. It was real life. You know, because I wasn't I was more than just drama, right? I was more than just. Like that stuff like, well, girl, like I, you know, I go to school, I have friends, you know, things like that. So the word was great because it was just interesting to see a different perspective and on T.V.. Specifically. SHANE McCUTCHEON. SHANE McCUTCHEON And the L Word. I love that woman. I think she is delicious. I think she's just she emulates just the different energy. It's just if you don't know who Kate Minogue is, please go to her. Or them. They're just delicious. They're just great. They're just emulate a different energy. They're just so charismatic and so charming. But at the same time, like just as very masculine, it was it was just like eye opening mouth, like, I want to I want that, you know, and I want to be with someone. It was just like I want at all because it was just different. Oh, my God. The riot girl movement in the nineties. It was a music movement and it was called the Riot Girl scene. For the riot girl scene was all about like hyper feminism in the nineties. And it was this really big wave of girl bands. And a lot of the times they self-identified as lesbians and they were angry. These lesbians were angry and they were going to yell into their microphones and tell you about it. And. I was here for that shit. I'm a huge music lover, so you know that they were yelling for, like. Like my purse is on fire and I don't give a fuck with that kind of just like I love it. Like I love that so much. So. Sleater-Kinney. The band in the nineties. The music is just so like. You know, I love I love all people, you know. It's not that I was very angry. I was very angry. And it was just kind of about like Bachmann and like, wanting all my body and I don't even, like, you kinda still want my, like, that kind of like, fuck that. You know, that push back if I'm body is not an object, I'm a woman. But don't treat me like that. You know, I. I'm a lesbian. Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Kind of. And so I love Carrie Brownstein. She was. So, Sleater-Kinney, there was a girl, there was two girls, and they were in a relationship together. And so it was great. Like Drew Brownstein and CORIN Tucker, iconic for me, icons and like RuPaul. Iconic RuPaul's Drag Race was huge for me in college. Huge for me. I loved RuPaul's Drag Race. I still do. Still watch it. That was just I love. I love gender expression. Any way possible. And when people just like, got out of the box, it's just it's a yearning for me, you know, because that's kind of like you thought I was like, This will fuck that, You know, I was crazy like this. But I'm I said, No, you know, that is just that's power for me. Yeah. So those are just a few people that are just coming off the top of my head. Oh, and Sam Ronson, Samantha Ronson, the DJ who was with Lindsay Lohan. Love, love. Those are very gay like lesbian icons that I just adore.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=2845.77,3137.64"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/21","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e That's. Yeah. Thank you for sharing all your arguments. I'm sure that someone who will be listening to this in the near future will relate to that. Maybe they'll Google this, those people after and they're like, Oh, who is this person? And then maybe you're introducing future gay icons to younger generations or someone who's just trying to explore their sexuality, but post-college. How is that? How does your you know, because I know that it's not something that you just, you know, being queer in your. Personal life is not just something that is the stops, you know. You've gone through so many evolution, so many transitions and know from the negative to the positive to like loving yourself and college and just going, you know, really exploring your who you are, who you are and more. During those late teens and early twenties. But. How has your post-college been in house life overall as a queer woman for you now?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3143.52,3213.47"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/22","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Mm hmm. So post-college protocols was really weird for me. Not weird. It was just. I grew up, I started to really dig deep inside. I really just explored different avenues in my life and honoring the way my sexuality changes. That was that's something that I had to learn. Is honoring. When I feel someone is attractive, honoring when I feel like I want to dress like a man, you know, like those kinds of things. Just honoring that. Before I used to really judge myself and. Create boundaries for myself. That made me unhappy that I created those boundaries. So. It. You know, I had. God, no. I don't know anything. Well, back, you know, it was probably 24, 25, 24, 24. I had officially broke up with my girlfriend at the time. And that was very terrifying for me because I had started to. Find myself attracted to. My best friend and my roommate. And I was just really it was just not difficult, but it was just hard. To learn a lot about myself, to feel that about myself. You know, not being attracted to only one person. Was hard. It was weird. And I went through a lot of again, I went into that spiral of like self-hate and what the hell? What's going on? You know, you. You kind of did all this, and now you're attracted to a man, you know, And so. Hearing those kinds of words to myself and saying, that doesn't make you just because you're with a man does not make you any less gay, does not make you any less. Clear. It doesn't make me any less of anything. I don't see it. So. I had to learn that, though. Those are things that I really had to and be okay with is that sexuality and gender expression is as fluid as we are, as fluid as water is. That we have to be like in these times. Very fluid. Very Let it come. I have to be like that with myself. And now it's really hard because I. I really. And very critical of I myself. So having a, you know, leave my at that time I was with her for nine years, so having to leave my nine year long term relationship and. Start. A new one with someone that I've loved in a different way. That was new waters for me. So that was unexpected. I honored it, and I am now married to him. And so. That was just very interesting to explore that in my life. You know, that I was attracted a to a man be to one of my best friends that I've known and then met in college. So we've known each other for a very long time and. It just.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3214.72,3451.11"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/23","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Blew.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3451.98,3451.98"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/24","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e You know, And really no way that you can kind of ignore it's kind of impossible to so. Even now, like me as a married woman. You know. Again, allowing myself just honoring myself, you know, when. There's a really hot girl. I'm not going to say. I'm going to be quiet, you know, like I have to honor that. I That's okay. You know, having boundaries with my relationship now, having to learn how to be in a married. You know, heterosexual to others. But it's like I, I am cisgender, but I am not, you know. Heterosexual. I don't fit into those norms. So, yeah, things change. You know, sexuality changes and it fluctuates and it goes back and it comes back and it moves. And being okay with that, too. I think that that is what is. And I'm still exploring now. I'm still learning post-college, you know. Yeah, it's it's been interesting. It's still a learning. You know, I still have a learning curve with myself that I'm still trying to figure out.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3453.18,3540.67"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/25","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Yeah. And you mentioned you were with your girlfriend for nine years, and that's. Almost a decade that is high school, college, a little bit post-college. And then. You mentioned that, you know, sexuality is fluid, but how did your family and friends go about, you know, you I assume you were telling them when you officially came out? I was like, no, I'm a lesbian or like woman. And then all of a sudden you start dating a man. Mm hmm. How how was that reaction from. From your clothes ones and your loved ones when you know this, quote unquote, rapporteur? Very likely. And I would put it in the air like this change happened within.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3544.58,3593.76"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/26","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e So I actually came out to my parents when I was with him. So. When I was telling my parents that I was going to get married, I was in a relationship. Naturally, past relationships came up. And I was done lying. I was done. I felt like 2526 when I came out. I was done with that. No really time Tell them. So I told them about my relationship once. It was already over. And I told them about who I was and how I self-identify. One, my partner was in the picture. Um, though my parents didn't a really like super. I don't know, like, they didn't really have a transitional period. However. My sister did. She was really close to my ex. And they were really close. They were super, super close. And they kept in contact after we had broken up. And I was okay with it. I don't know anything with John mentioned anything about my life. If she asks, just please honor that, you know. But you can be her friend. I'm no one to tell you who you can be friends with and who you can. And she took it really hard. She took it really, really hard. Yeah, she took a really hard. There was a lot of judging that was, you know, me and my sister really, really close, so. That was really hard to deal with. It felt like she was choosing sides and she obviously chose her side. And we had a lot of friends in common, and so we had to split friends. And that was really hard to you know, in splitting up, I also lost really, really great friends then actually, you know, we just didn't connect anymore. But still, having to say goodbye is not easy. So I think that that is that was difficult is her having she just felt she was different around our relationship. You know, me and my partner now, she was just really. It had. It took a lot of getting used to. It took a lot of getting warmed up to because she was not so receptive at the beginning. And I didn't care. You know, I didn't care if I felt love. I wasn't going to deny that. Um. Even if that made people feel uncomfortable. What the hell? I wasn't going to say this. Let me go back to my previous relationship because you don't like it, you know? So it's like, I'm sorry. This is my decision. I'm not. I'm very firm in it. So that was really hard to deal with. Having to revisit. Things like that with my sister. Mm hmm. That was really interesting.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3596.86,3802.47"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/27","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Thank you for for sharing that. I know that again this hour. Transitional times and not just for you, but for for the people around you. Is there any advice that you would want to potentially give to anyone listening that is like part of the LGBT community that you feel that they might not hear on a regular basis or they just, you know, something that from your own experiences that you would want to share and have the world listen to.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3806.74,3836.68"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/28","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Mm hmm. I don't know. That's really hard. I want to sound cheesy, but I think. Staying true to you. You know, we always hear it every day. You know, stay true to you, be you. But. I think. Sticking to my guns, you know, sticking to what I felt was true to my true. Sticking on to my truth. The really. It got me through. Cutting my hair. Meeting Phuket. I'm going to do this. Me doing that. But, you know, not being shaken by by other people's words is another one. Don't be shaken by other people's words and be true to you. Yeah. Be true to you. Even if that means you have to be true in your own room. But that's you. You know, if that's your safe space, that's your safe space. But no matter where you are, you know. Don't forget that. There's power in being authentic. There's power of being authentic.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3838.98,3920.56"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/29","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 1:\u003c/strong\u003e Well, thank you so much for sharing. You know, the positives and negatives I feel I am extremely thankful for for you and, you know, representing some. Traumatic experiences, but also sharing the beauty and the positives of it. So I truly appreciate you and I hope that you stay safe and have a great rest of your life.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3925.62,3949.76"},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/30","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"\u003cstrong\u003eSpeaker 2:\u003c/strong\u003e Thank you. You too.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985#t=3951.55,3952.99"}]},{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["English [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://archive.empathyarchive.com/collections/1731/collection_resources/56636/file/130985/transcript/44936/annotation/31","type":"Annotation","motivation":"subtitling","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/file_transcripts/associated_files/000/044/936/original/open-uri20230706-255384-1ae7kn?1688667891","format":"text/vtt","language":"en"},"target":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/file_transcripts/associated_files/000/044/936/original/open-uri20230706-255384-1ae7kn?1688667891"}]}]}]}